Autism Understood

Me explaining what its like to live with autism

Autism to me is “annoying” its like having two sides to a brain but one side of your brain wants to say one thing and the other side is changing it to something that isn’t what I want to say. It’s like having a second person inside of me.

Autism is affecting my social life as people judge me because I’m not what everyone associates as “Normal”. I have always had a problem with making people listen to me and I felt this was unfair. They would always listen to what I am saying but what is coming out of my mouth isn’t always what I am trying to say which makes me feel very angry and upset. People would always put the wrong perception on me and they would judge me in the wrong way and people wouldn’t understand this is called Autism.

When I’m nervous I say things I don’t actually mean, for some reason I think of something but it comes out in the wrong way. It may come across as offensive, I realise I am doing this but its uncontrollable and I walk away feeling like I could have said things better. Its always like having a second devil in the brain and they are controlling the uncontrollable. To get around this when I meet a new person I tell them I have this condition.

Autism is like a superpower which has strengths and weaknesses. When I am interested in subjects it’s a strength as my condition helps me learn and remember things. A weakness is when I get put in the main spotlight and this uncontrollable feeling comes out and my speech is affected. I start to fidget uncontrollably and no matter how hard I try it worsens, I start tapping fingers on myself or on tables and knocking my knees together. This is made worse when rooms are quiet and I feel like every noise from my tapping is really loud to everyone which I worry is annoying. When things are quiet I also start to talk louder.

When I start fidgeting I pick up something like a pen or blue-tak to distract myself and then I can concentrate more on the person I’m talking to or focus on what I’m doing. I feel more relaxed when the fidgeting is under control so it’s good to have these methods.

Sometimes I feel down and I do things like talk to my friends, talk to people at my youth group or I like to draw as this helps me work through my emotions like anger. Having routines helps me and when I don’t know what I am doing I will ask questions to help me understand and prepare me for new things.

I’m happy talking about autism as it helps raise awareness and others to understand it. If you have autism it’s important to remember that some things will change, but things will always get better.

By the secret young person.